Facing Mortality Head On October 24, 2012
Posted by ijwoods in Blog+.Tags: caregiver, communication, Death and Dying, listening, mental-health, mortality, preparations, support
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Several months ago I became acquainted with Richard Wagner Ph.D and had the pleasure to read his book The Amateur’s Guide to Death and Dying. His work with people facing end of life issues is inspired and I admire his fearless approach to go into territory most consider taboo and awkward. Richard Wagner has been working with terminally ill, chronically ill, elder and dying people in hospital, hospice, and home settings for over 30 years. He facilitates support groups for care-providers and clinical personnel, and provides grief counseling for survivors both individually and in group settings.
He founded Paradigm Programs Inc, an innovative nonprofit organization with a mission to be an outreach and resource for terminally ill, chronically ill, elder and dying people. He was honored with the prestigious University of California San Francisco Chancellor’s Award for Public Service in 1999 for his work with sick, elder and dying people. (more…)
“The Conversation Project” Breaks Ground August 28, 2012
Posted by ijwoods in Blog+.Tags: caregiver, caregiver help, communication, EOL Conversation, listening, preparations
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Some of you know that the purpose of this blog site is to get people talking with their loved ones about preparations for an end of life situation. After my caregiving experience with someone very dear to me I became keenly aware of the importance of having such a conversation and how much it can help the non-professional caregiver as well as the one being taken care of.
The reality is that almost all of us will enter into a caregiving situation once or multiple times in our life. I recently saw a quote by Rosalyn Carter that says it very well, “There are only four kinds of people in the world – those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers”. Caregiving is not something we will be exempted from unless, I suppose, we are living alone in a remote cave in the jungle.
As our population continues to age, many Boomers are now finding themselves caregiving for their parents. Increasingly, the Boomers will need to be taken care of as well. K was a Boomer, as am I, giving me some insight to what lies ahead for many of us; and with the huge population of boomers, caregiving will become massive. As ominous as that might sound I happen to see something exciting about it. (more…)
Our Life is About Life June 6, 2012
Posted by ijwoods in Blog+.Tags: communication, dying at home, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, meditation, Prem Rawat, providing comfort, spirituality
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While talking to some friends the other night I was reminded about how part of the hospice team consisted of someone to help with the emotional/spiritual side of things. It got me thinking about how K and I had never called upon this person for help, at least not while K was alive. Afterwards I did arrange an appointment for grief counseling which was of big help.
The fact is, that while K was alive neither of us felt like we needed a conversation about spirituality or about anything we were experiencing emotionally. Looking back we were amazingly grounded. This is one part of our journey I feel very satisfied with. A lot if this “groundedness” had to do with our involvement in the development of our own personal peace and appreciation for life for many years. Our common understanding and experience played a big hand in the way we related to each other and to what was happening. Even during the most difficult times it gave us a base of understanding from which to get over whatever we encountered.
It’s one thing to know that everything will go fine on a physical level, i.e. to have the power of attorney in place, have the assets divided up properly, etc., but it’s another thing having to face leaving the world and head into the unknown. It’s an amazing sensation to have our mortality so exposed and to feel the irreversible power of it. Our perspective changes considerably. What was important yesterday becomes trivial today. (more…)
Listen May 22, 2012
Posted by ijwoods in Blog+.Tags: caregiver, caregiving, communication, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, grief, preparations, providing comfort
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“ I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than love. Real unconditional love.”
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross from her book, The Wheel of Life – A Memoir of Living and Dying.
I recently received a copy of The Wheel of Life, by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, in the mail from an unidentified source. Although I am familiar with her work and have seen her book, On Death and Dying, on every recommended book list that concerns itself with caregiving, I never read it. I suppose that’s due to some contrarian tick that I have. Nonetheless, here was a gift in the mail from someone who obviously thought it would be of help to me so I thought I should give it a shot. Since I had a round trip flight to Minneapolis this weekend the flight seemed like the ideal time to dig into it and see if I really liked it. And indeed I did. I read the entire book. (more…)
Communication of the Dying May 13, 2012
Posted by ijwoods in Blog+.Tags: caregiver, caregiving, communication, dying at home, dying behavior, Final Gifts, maggie callanan, providing comfort
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In a blog I posted some weeks ago I talked about a dying friend who developed a communication system that helped the caregivers know his physical needs when he became too weak to talk. There’s another aspect of communication that I also feel is worth serious consideration and that is the communication of needs beyond the physical; needs that relate to the person’s emotional well being. Sometimes those needs are articulated clearly and early on, but as death approaches those needs may not be communicated clearly at all.
Several times on this site I’ve mentioned the book Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs and Communications of the Dying by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelly. This book made a strong impression on me. Both Callanan and Kelly had been hospice nurses for quite some time and between them have accumulated a wonderful body of experience, especially when it comes to the communication of the dying. I read this book after K passed away and wished I had read it several months earlier. As a matter of fact, I liked this book so much I bought quite a few copies and gave them away to friends and people I know in caregiving situations. (more…)
End of Life Care and Communication April 15, 2012
Posted by ijwoods in Blog+.Tags: caregiver, caregiving, communication, dying at home, preparations, providing comfort
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During the time I was caregiving for K one thing that we hadn’t thought about seriously enough was communication. If someone is dying from a serious illness you may find all kinds of things happening to the quality and quantity of communication you’ll have with them*. For instance I had read, and was told, that at some point there could be hallucinations or harshness towards the caregivers, family and so on. Having learned about this possibility I felt prepared and on alert, and sure enough I did experience some of that. Not that I knew how to handle it, but at least I wasn’t blindsided and panicky.
Although there are a variety of topics regarding communication during the end of life process, there were some helpful things I learned afterwards that I wish I had known earlier on. Comparing notes with someone else who went through a similar caregiving situation helped me gain some insight into the preparations we can make prior to entering later stages of the disease.
When K reached the point where verbal communication became too strenuous I really longed for a way to communicate and verify that she was comfortable and I was meeting her needs. But all too often I felt the communication was hit and miss, and as the disease progressed I only found it harder to decipher what she meant. (more…)
Conscious Departures 